EVA Air online reservation system for multiple-city trip: massive FAIL.

So i thought i would have better luck by calling EVA Air’s toll free number at 1-800-695-1188. As a former frequent traveler, i had contacted phone reservation system for numerous airlines and most, if not all, placed reservation at either the first or the second choice, as in “press 1 for …”, “press 2 for …”. But not EVA Air. I had to sit through the following choices before i finally heard the one for reservation, at number 7:

1. Flight arrival and departure information
2. Airport information for US and Canada
3. Local ticketing office information for US and Canada
4. Members enrollment and application form (what membership? EVA Air’s Evergreen Club frequent flyer membership?)
5. Evergreen Club application form (how different is this from the previous option?)
6. Members information and inquiry (again, what membership?)

After selecting option 7 and waited for no less than 10 minutes, i was finally put through to a person. After collecting information about my trip, i was put on hold again. When the EVA Air reservation “specialist” finally came back, i was told my trip was “special” and her system could not handle it. She suggested calling the Seattle ticketing office. Now if she has access to the same reservation system as the Seattle ticketing office, how would me calling that office make any difference?

EVA Air’s online and phone reservation system: massive FAIL.

Scooter with a kid facing backward.

You can clearly see the kid sitting on a blue stool.

Why is it so difficult to have my check-in bags show up the moment i arrive at the baggage claim carousel? I have flown to numerous airports in the U.S. and international cities and the difference in baggage delivery time is like night and day. In the last two years, i flew to China on three occasions. I flew into four different Chinese airports (Shanghai, Beijing, Wuhan and Fuzhou) on three international flights and two domestic flights, and in all of my flights, my check-in bags were already on the carousels when i arrived to pick them up. Has any of my check-in bags ever shown up on the carousels in any US airports the moment i arrive to pick them up in the last ten years of travel, averaging at least 75,000 miles a year? Never. Not even once.

Why do US-based airlines have such a miserable check-in luggage delivery time?

• Inadequate number of baggage handlers per flight. On most of the domestic flights i took, i have not seen more than two baggage handlers per flight unloading the bags. One guy loads the bags onto the conveyor vehicle and the second guy picks them up from the conveyor vehicle into the baggage truck. As airlines keep trying reduce cost by hiring the minimal number of baggage handlers needed per flight, the delivery time of the check-in luggages suffers.
• No designated baggage handlers for each airport. By that, i mean each airline here has its own baggage handlers. Of all the international (non-US) airports that i have been to, most of the baggage (or ground) handlers that i have seen are actually employed by designated ground handling firms, instead of being employed by the airlines. For example, the ground handling services in Singapore’s Changi International Airport are handled by three companies: Singapore Airport Terminal Services (SATS), Changi International Airport Services (CIAS) and Swissport. I believe having a designated ground handling crew for the whole airport helps set a uniform standard for baggage delivery.
• Poorly designed and antiquated airport baggage claim areas. Some of the domestic airport terminals that i have been to do not even have a centralized display to inform passengers the baggage claim carousels where their check-in bags will show up. One good example of an extremely badly designed baggage claim area is Terminal 2 of the Phoenix Sky Harbor airport. Terminal 2 baggage claim area serves five airlines (Alaska, Air Canada, Continental, Ted and United) but there are only four baggage claim carousels.

  

  

  Imagine passengers from four different flights crowding around the baggage claim area at the same time. These four oval carousels are situated in a tiny area about 15 feet apart from each other in a square shape. In the middle of each carousel is a display that is supposed to indicate your flight. I said “supposed to” because half the time i don’t see my Alaska air flight number showing up on any of the four displays. How hard is it to have a centralized display that informs me which carousel my bag will show up on? Why do i have to check each of the four displays to figure out where my bag will end up? On a few occasions, it was announced that bags from my flight would show up on one particular carousel but ended up appearing on another carousel. Of course, i didn’t figure that out until it was too late.

  When i arrived at the Shanghai Pudong International airport, on one of the many centralized displays i easily located the baggage claim carousel where my bag showed up, and yes, the moment i arrived at the carousel.

The very first things i noticed after entering the bathroom in my room at the Fuzhou Lakeside Hotel were a few stacked packets of what i thought were condoms because of the large wordings in front of the packet that read “ONLY FOR MAN”. I was half right. The packet does contain a condom, as written across the top left corner of the packet in Chinese “comes with quality condom”, but i did not notice that until much later.

Flipping over to the back of the packet, and i kid you not, the exact description (including the original typos) is:

This product is specially designed for washing men’s genitals.

Ok, i have to admit that i was laughing so hard i almost dropped it into the toilet. This is no laughing matter because each packet of these genital-washing fluid costs RMB 10 (about USD 1.50).

As the pure Chinese medicinal preparation, it can quickly kill any kinds latent germs and pathgen.

I was kind of confused by what it is trying to say but on reading the Chinese portion of the description, apparently, they are trying to convey that “It is made purely with Chinese medicine. It can be used to kill germs, reduce itchiness, remove odor, moisturize and keep you healthy.” Ok, this is not so bad. But the next phrase completely floored me.

It’s suitable for using at home, on trip,or in swimming ,especially before or after sexual intercourse.

Wahahahahaha…….I totally lost it, laughing that is. Why would someone walk around at home with this applied all over his genitals? If your home is so unsanitary that you can contract STDs (i assume) just by walking around, may be having sexual intercourse should not be your highest priority. Gee, i can’t even go swimming without having to worry about what’s gonna happen to my ding dong? But fear not,

It can prevent any infectiousdiseases.

Holy cow! Take that all you wicked STD biyatches! What is that stuff made of anyway, concentrated sulphuric acid ??? What is this sizzling sound and a burning sensation that i am feeling now…In a bigger font at the bottom of the packet, this should allay any worries you have on losing a layer of your skin after applying this product:

No irritation to skin. Please use it at ease.

Now that is good to know. So how do i use it?

Directions: Use this product on and around the pudenda by massaging for 2-3 minutes, then rinse with clean water and wipe with a pasteurized wet towel .It can get a better effect to be used in bath.

What what what ??!! Pudenda? I have a pudenda ???!! According to the online Merriam Webter dictionary, pudenda is “the external genital organs of a human being and especially of a woman” and according to one of the definitions in the Urban Dictionary, it is also a slang for “Hot women, esp in large groups at social functions“. It made a lot more sense after i noticed a slightly different color but similar packet behind the first one i was looking at. This one is “ONLY FOR WOMAN”. The description at the back of the packet is exactly the same as the “ONLY FOR MAN”. The only difference is that it says “women’s genitals” instead of “men’s genitals”. It’s a relief knowing that i do not have a poon tang (Thanks to The Rock for letting me know about this phrase, and Eric – a former co-worker of mine – for shushing me and then explaining to me in a whisper what it meant after i yelled out to him at work “Hey Eric, what is poon tang pie?”).

Flipping back to the front of the packet on the “FOR MAN ONLY”, i noticed this at the bottom:

The 53rd of Miss World Final Appointed Products

What “Appointed Products”? It’s a little clearer after reading the Chinese part of it on top of the English one. It is trying to say “Official Product for the 53rd Miss World Pageant”. How does it help to sell it to men knowing that this product was applied to the pubes of all the female contestants (i assume all contestants in the Miss World Pageant are exclusively female)?

I wonder. Imagine the look on the poor bloke’s face whose air of invinsibility and immunity to STDs evaporated after going on a binge frequenting every known brothels in the neighborhood for a week and then wake up one morning to find rashes and what have you on his “frank and beans”. “It can prevent any infectiousdiseases” – please, the typo is a dead give-away.

Can’t wait to get home. Whistler here i come!

beijing_wuhan_200512/P1010887.jpg

Our friendly cab driver was acting as a temporary tour guide for us. He explained the historical significance of this region. He took us on a tour of the East Lake (东湖) and dropped us off at the Yellow Crane Tower (黄鹤楼). He waited for us while we spent about 45 minutes at the Yellow Crane Tower. The original tower was destroyed toward the end of the Qing dynasty. This new one is rebuilt back in 1985 and it’s not located at the original location.

beijing_wuhan_200512/P1010910.jpg

On our way to the Wuhan airport, the cab driver pointed us to some really weird-looking houses on our right. They were weird in the sense that most of them looked like they were not completely built. Most of them, i did not see any doors or windows. The cab driver told us that the farmers in those area do not grow plants, they “grow” houses. The reason behind that is if you have houses on your land, when the city needs to use your land for other development, they will not only have to pay for your land, they will also have to pay for any houses on your land.

I have been eating great the last few days. In fact, i have been eating really well since i have been here. In every meal, i have to say more than 80% of the dishes were new to me. The IBM reps in Wuhan invited us and the client for two consecutive nights. I learned something during the second dinner. If the person giving you a toast is in a higher position than you, you should always tip your glass lower than his when the glasses meet. I did not know about this until the second dinner. God knows how many people i had offended during the first dinner!

Do you know that there are Chinese cigarettes that cost $8 USD a pack ? I did not believe it until it was shown to me. Apparently, these cigarettes are only made for consumption of party officials and they are not easily available to the general public.

Updated 1/2/2006
Wuhan is actually a combination of three cities, not two. The city i left out is Hanyang (汉阳).

I was in Beijing back in July for about a week. That was my first ever trip to China. Now i am back again, though the weather is on the other extreme end now. Back in July, it was very hot and daily temperature was around the 90s (Fahrenheit). Last week, the average daily temperature in Beijing was in the 20s (Fahrenheit).

I am glad the Beijing Shangri-la has complimentary high-speed internet because i really do not like paying RMB 120 a night like what i did in July when i was staying at the Shanghai Hilton and the Pudong Renaissance.

If you are a frequent flyer like me, you are probably constantly frustrated by the inconsiderate throng of people packing around the baggage claim carousel preventing you from seeing and retrieving your bag while they are waiting for their checked bags to show up. What i do not understand is why can’t those carousel hoarders, as i like to call them, move next to the carousel only after they have seen their bags. By merely moving back from the carousel by a few feet while waiting for the bags, so many more passengers will be able to have a better view of the carousel and therefore be able to get to their bags quickly without having to fight through the heedless crowd.

I think i have a perfect solution for this problem. Loosely based on the theory of “negative reinforcement”, the Hog Buster will make sure that only passengers with bags physically on the carousel are allowed within 5 feet (naturally, this range is configurable) of the carousel. If passengers step onto the “courtesy zone” without their bags on the carousel, they will be subjected to a mild localized eletric shock. If this mild electric shock fails to do the trick, the strength of the shock will be increased gradually, until the offenders are rendered uncomfortable enough to leave the “courtesy zone”. Eventually, the passengers will learn, most likely painfully, that they should only be next to the baggage claim carousel when their bags are actually on the carousel. Problem solved.

So, how can this be achieved? During the check-in process, as it is now, you are issued baggage claim ticket for your bag to be checked in. With the Hog Buster system, each claim ticket is inserted with a RFID device which has a unique signature. A similar RFID device is placed on the baggage label attached to your bag. On top of the baggage claim carousel at the destination airport, there will be a giant electronic display board. When your bag is placed on the carousel, the RFID sensor on the carousel will acknowledge that and will send the information to the giant display notifying you that your bag is ready to be picked up. When you stand next to the carousel to retrieve your bag, sensors around the “courtesy zone” will confirm that you are indeed permitted to be in the “courtesy zone” by validating with the RFID claim ticket that you have on you. Passengers without their bags on the carousel are subjected to the localized electric shocks. The only remaining technical issue is how the electric shocks can be applied to the offending passenger without affecting other legitimate passengers?

More questions? Check out the Hog Buster FAQ below.

Update 2010-01-29:
My friend Jaime just came up with a brilliant idea for a hog buster module: The Incinerator Module. Instead of trying to figure out how to implement a localized electric shock or having to worry about the potential lawsuits from people being humiliated, shocked, amputated, burned or killed by the hog buster, the incinerator module will incinerate a passenger’s luggage if he stands in the courtesy zone when he is not supposed to. We just have to make sure passengers sign the luggage waiver during check-in acknowledging that any violation of the courtesy zone will result in their luggages being vaporized. I think nothing motivates some people more than burning (literally) a hole in their wallets.

As it was a pretty hot and humid day, i did not stay at the temple for very long. After spending about an hour an Nanjing Road, i went back to the Shanghai station. I wanted to go to Hangzhou (杭州) the next day so i went to a travel agency recommended by Wendy, the Shanghai SiHai Travel Service (上海四海旅行社). Because i only wanted to go to Xihu (西湖) and the Lou-Wai-Lou restaurant (樓外樓). The restaurant is supposed to be the most famous restaurant in Hangzhou. Because i was only going to the lake, the travel agent told me it was not necessary to take a tour with them and all i had to do was to take the train there. Since she had spent so much time discussing the trip with me, i felt bad not taking the tour with them, so i bought a tour to go to Suzhou (蘇州).

Getting the train ticket to go to Hangzhou at the Shanghai train station was another one of my bad experiences in China. People cutting in line, people yelling and screaming around me and people standing too close behind me. I am so used to my personal space in Seattle. I feel so uneasy with so many people standing around me.