The top 5 patents i plan to file before Nokia does

Nokia has been filing patent-infringement lawsuits against Apple as of late, most likely due to its eroding market share in smart phones. I thought i should file the following patents before Nokia does.

1. Open mouth and chew on food before swallowing.
2. Unzip pants and hold your wee wee before pissing. Nokia can have the “Piss in your pants” patent – i don’t give a rat’s ass about that one.
3. After taking a dump, wipe ass with toilet paper before putting pants back on. (@mrbrown is filing the “Taking off pants before shitting” patent).
4. Remove clothing before taking a shower.
5. And finally, sleep with eyes shut.